As many of you who have attended my workshops will know, I do have a ‘thing’ for self-esteem!
We all use this term with ease and frequency and I often wonder what we really mean by it. In the academic literature there are over 100 definitions of ‘self-esteem’, so if academia isn’t too sure about what it is, how can we be?
If we can’t agree on exactly what we mean by the term ‘self-esteem’, how can we justify giving a value to it. I mean the label ‘low self-esteem’ is something that is heard frequently – but what are we saying about the individual to which that label is applied?
Moreover if ‘low self-esteem’ is seen as being ‘shy’, ‘withdrawn’, ‘lacking in confidence’ what is ‘high self esteem’? Precociousness?
The truth is that we often make assessments about others confidence levels and ‘self esteem’ from the behaviours we observe them engaging in.
Infact, self-esteem, is a very subtle thing. It is, perhaps, the interplay between internal feelings, beliefs, attitudes and values and the behaviours that result from them.
In short it refers to the degree to which we ‘value’ ourselves; the strength of our own self-image.
Here are a couple of Self Esteem Tests for you to consider..
It is extremely quick and simple, just answer TRUE or FALSE to each question
(if you cannot answer 100% TRUE then answer FALSE):
•1. Other people are not better off or more fortunate than me
•2. I accept myself as I am and am happy with myself
•3. I enjoy socializing
•4. I deserve love and respect
•5. I feel valued and needed
•6. I don’t need others to tell me I have done a good job
•7. Being myself is important
•8. I make friends easily
•9. I can accept criticism without feeling put down
•10. I admit my mistakes openly
•11. I never hide my true feelings
•12. I always speak up for myself and put my views across
•13. I am a happy, carefree person
•14. I don’t worry what others think of my views
•15. I don’t need others’ approval to feel good
•16. I don’t feel guilty about doing or saying what I want
Now before we score this one, here is ‘test 2′.
Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (Rosenberg, 1965)
Instructions
What follows is a list of statements dealing with your general feelings about yourself.
If you strongly agree write SA
If you agree with the statement write A.
If you disagree, write D
If you strongly disagree, write SD.
•1. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
•2.* At times, I think I am no good at all.
•3. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
•4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.
•5. * I feel I do not have much to be proud of.
•6. * I certainly feel useless at times
•7. I feel that I’m a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.
•8. * I wish I could have more respect for myself.
•9. * All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.
•10. I take a positive attitude toward myself.
Now you can ‘score’ yourself…
15-16 YOU HAVE A HIGH LEVEL OF SELF ESTEEM !
12-14 NOT BAD BUT ROOM FOR YOU TO IMPROVE
8 -11 LOW SELF ESTEEM – IT’S HOLDING YOU BACK
BELOW 8 YOUR ESTEEM IS DRASTICALLY LOW
Scoring for ‘test 2′
SA=3,
A=2,
D=1,
SD=0.
Items with an asterisk are reverse scored, that is,
SA=0, A=1, D=2, SD=3.
Sum the scores for the 10 items
The higher the score, the higher the self-esteem. Scores below 15 suggest low self-esteem
So there you are !
I think these tests can be pretty depressing and perhaps, in some people, promote feelings of unworthiness.
The key issue surely, is how we help people who are limiting themselves by the way they percieve, value or simpy relate to themselves.
It is interesting to watch peoples reactions to these tests. I mean if they are truly about ‘self-discovery’ then we’d expect the person with confidence and self-assurance to be eager and willing to explore and learn more about themselves. Perhaps the ‘know it alls’ and those who ‘resist’ opportunities for introspection are not as rich in self-esteem as they appear to have.
So what about this self-esteem thing?
Rather than talking in terms of self-esteem we could talk about Confidence, Competence and Personal Flexibility remembering that how people ‘draw’ upon these aspects of themselves will be ‘context dependent’.
It is the ‘behavioural traits’ of low self-esteem we often refer to and it is in exploring different behaviours that we can gain some insight into how we can support those who need to develop their ‘self-esteem’
If you refer to the ‘motivation’ and anger management’ sections in the
coaching notes prepared for Penair Schools Parent Sessions (2010 and 2011) you will get a better idea of how behaviour is linked to ‘motives’ and ‘modifiers’ (see link above or visit the Xtra Materials Page of this blog).
The following strategies can be used to help people explore aspects of their self-image (self-esteem).
1) Define the situations in which there is a feeling of ‘confidence’ or ‘success’
2) Challenge ‘negative’ generalisations
3) Celebrate successes
4) Monitor and change self- talk
5) Find motivational examples and stories of achievement
6) Frame all ‘failures’ as opportunities to do better next time.
Use the S.H.F.T (c) framework to describe feelings around success; how successful people might tackle a personal challenge and so on. (see the
coaching notes for more information).
It is possible to take the internal representation of success, confidence and positive self-image in one context and imagine them in another. The S.H.F.T (c) framework allows fro what-if thinking and, for want of a better phrase, role playing.
Identify a role model who would tackle the situation with confidence and interrogate him.
How would Superman deal with this situation – what would he See, Hear, Feel and Think?
What would we see him doing (body langauge, breathing, stance, actions)?
What would we hear him saying (tone of voice, kinds of words, phrases)?
What do you think he would be feeling (what, where in his body)?
What do you imagine he would be saying to himself (self talk, thinking)?
Can you imagine YOURSELF doing these things?
What SKILLS would Superman need or use to meet this challenge?
And so on.
This is a basic NLP approach to modelling and behaviour management. If NLP is something that interests you and you would like to know about the forthcoming professional and personal development training courses in NLP contact me on 07714 323 934 or via email at
alan@aljones.net. You can also visit the
Inspire NLP website and
blog to get an overview of what it is all about.
